3 phrases to eliminate
I’m covering three phrases you need to eliminate from your vocabulary if you want to see change.
Using these phrases is a habit that short circuits a lot of us because they indicate that we really don’t believe we have the power to effect change. There’s no way we’ll create the changes we desire if we think on some level that we’re unable to do it.
The first phrase to eliminate is: “I had no choice.” It may be an undesirable choice, but we do have a choice. It’s important to acknowledge the fact that the choice exists – in order to feel like we have any power in our lives. One context I have heard this in is with the statement, “I had no choice, I had to go to work.” You didn’t have to, but the other choice was so undesirable that you unconsciously eliminated it. What if you decided not to go to work? Well, maybe the results would range from mild annoyance to getting fired. Maybe these are very undesirable choices that you don’t want, but you do have a choice. To say “I had no choice” is not only reflective of feeling powerless, but it’s also not true! One of the things that helps people get farther is that they are willing to look at truth – truth not for the purpose of judging yourself, but for acknowledging what is really going on so that you can engage with the real situation rather than your imagined one. Look at places this phrase shows up for you. Where do you feel like you’re backed into a corner and you absolutely have no other choice? Really challenge yourself to notice what’s really the case. Maybe it’s so undesirable you wouldn’t think of making that choice, but it’s still a choice. Better to say, “I do have a choice, and I am choosing to go to work.”
The second phrase to eliminate is: “I have to (fill in the blank).” It’s very similar to phrase one, but different enough to point out separately. For me, this really brings up the day-to-day things. “I have to go to the grocery store” or “I have to take the trash out.” These are also areas we can acknowledge that we have choice and we have power. We choose the way we spend our time. Our choices reflect what we prioritize. We may be in a place that those choices we’re making today are not the ones we want to have to make in the future, but yet we’re there today. When we acknowledge where we are today and what’s necessary for our priorities to be today, then we open the way for us to shift those. If we constantly feel “I have to,” then how are we going to feel that we can change our lives? We won’t; we’re going to wait for life to change for us and that doesn’t happen. By reframing how you spend your time and reinforcing that it’s a choice, you’re paving the way to be able to make the choices you’d rather make. Where do you say on a daily basis things like, “I have to do the dishes” No, you don’t have to! You can let them pile up. It’s simply not true. Again, one of the reasons I’m bringing up these phrases in particular is that they’re not true. By making a conscious effort to see the truth, it allows us to move forward.
The third phrase to eliminate is: “I am (fill in the blank).” If what you filled in the blank with is anything you don’t want to see continue, that’s a phrase to eliminate. You’re trying to reach a goal, but you say things to yourself like “I am lazy,” or “I am not smart enough.” Let’s take the example “I’m lazy.” Again, these phrases aren’t true (see a theme?!?). Just begin by saying it in a way that’s more truthful. You might say “I didn’t get up this morning to do that workout toward my health goals,” for example. That could be true. “I didn’t get up at the time I set my alarm for this morning.” That could be true, but it doesn’t mean anything about yourself as a lazy or not lazy person. When we make blanket “I am” statements, we’re taking away the power from ourselves. We’re saying, “Well that’s the way that it is.”
This message today is all about realizing the power that you DO have. Without acknowledging your power, it’s going to be very difficult to have it happen. By bringing to your awareness these phrases instead of letting them replay in your head, you’re giving yourself that power. You’re paving the way toward more of what you want and less of this repetitive cycle.